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Hellboy II: The Golden Army Review

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    dough boy | Male | 42 years old | Kansas City

"Why do today what you can put off 'til tomorrow"

Programmer by day, comic nerd by night. My official job title is "Director of Janitorial Engineering"

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Hellboy II: The Golden Army Review

2026 views • Jul 9, '08 • (2) Comments

Save your money


Before I get into my review of the movie after I saw it last night...let me preface my review with a "setup".

I wasn't sure if I was going to be able to go.  My wife doesn't get home until 6:30 and they start seating at 7.  So that would mean that I would be late in line.  Luckily I had a co-worker going and asked her if her family could save me a seat or place in line and she said yes.

So I show up 10 minutes after seating opened, and about 1 minute after it closed.  I walked to the front of the line and told the guy that I had already been in, I was just in the bathroom.  I technically had a seat saved so it wasn't like I was cutting.

I got in and found out that they didn't save me a seat like asked.  There was 1 seat left in the last row at the very top so I took it.  Things were going well until the reserved seat next to me was filled.

Apparently it was a "critic" (I use the term loosely) that uses a yellow legal pad to take notes on.  "But the movie is dark so how can he see?" you ask.  Exactly.  That is why he brought a mini flash light with him.  So every other minute it was light on, light off.  He would write down the stupidest things, like what date/time it was on the screen, funny lines, stupid lines, etc.

If this was not bad enough he also had the dumbest laugh ever.  And he laughed at things that weren't funny.  I kid you not he was the only one laughing at certain points and it was 5-10 seconds after the "funny" part to him.  Like it took him that long to register it in his brain.

But I digress...on to the review.  I have never read a Hellboy comic so I have nothing to compare it against.  The first one was ok for me (I saw it when it was free on HBO).  This one was just weird...and it was long...to long.

You remember the scene from Total Recall when they enter the "mutie mall" or in Demolition Man when they enter the "outcast city"?  There is a part of the movie like that here.  All of the crazy, stupid, half baked creatures.  All they do is detract from the overall movie.

There is a "singing" scene that goes on for like 10 minutes between Red and Abe.  The movie is painfully obvious as well.  Pretty much anytime someone dies you know how 10 minutes before.  For instance I had figured out 20 minutes into the 1 hour 45 minute movie how the main guy was going to die.

The special effects are cool, but I think distract from the movie.  I guess at least instead of the State Puff Marshmellow Man we have a giant green weed looking thing that has issues with being wounded and grows into buildings or something.

Overall unless you are a Hellboy fan...or just have to see a Guillermo del Toro (director of Pan's Labyrinth) movie...save your money and wait until it is free on TV.  I personally am giving this 2 out of 5 stars.

  • Jul 9, '08 by 1573's avatar 1573
  • i have never actually read a hellboy comic either.
    only had a slight interest in the 1st movie.
    i'm a comic fan and it's a comic movie..gotta see it.
    well, never got around to seeing the 1st but had planned to before the 2nd came out.
    well, don't think that's gonna happen either.

    from what i've read and heard, the cool parts are in the previews/trailors/commercials.
    i'll probablly wait for dvd and watch 1 and 2 together.
  • Jul 10, '08 by batfan's avatar batfan
  • i like hellboy comics. they are a great read. most that i have read i mean.

    i like the first movie. and ive only seen good reviews other than this.

    i am still gonna wait. i am gonna watch the dark knight movie.
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