I write comic book reviews that NOBODY has ever asked for!
Halloween! It's that special time of year when children get their first basic lesson in the cornerstone of Socialism. . . Redistribution of Wealth! I have a giant bowl of candy. Those who have less candy than me come to collect a portion of my candy under the threat of punishment if I do not comply. This continues until I have no more candy.
Eva reads about a ritual to summon a bear-headed Elder and heads out to stop it. We jump forward a year to Ukraine where Vampirella gives a motorcycle to a random father and daughter out trick or treating and then heads in to confront a man who has kidnapped a girl and has her tied up in a creepy old house. As soon as the battle begins, the most metro-sexual vampire NOT in the Twilight franchise jumps in out of nowhere. Enter Dracula!
It turns out that the "girl" is actually a vampire and one of Dracula's consorts, and that the "serial killer" Vampirella was tracking is actually an animal-headed monster called a Wendigo, and as Dracula and Vampirella team up to take it down, Eva jumps into the fight out of nowhere to deliver the killing blow.
The three of them hold a short exposition meeting and realize that they have all been lured there for some reason. Eva has the best lead on the coven of witches responsible, and so they reluctantly team up and jump into Eva's. . .er. . .ATTACK HELICOPTER (?!) and head out on the hunt.
Magical attack helicopter is a bit unexpected and. . . HEY -O!
Check out the extremely subtle innuendo in the bottom panel
They arrive on the coast near a creepy ruined castle and. . .oh yeah. . .there's a couple of hundred man-bears creatures just sort of hanging out and waiting for their arrival. Of course, Vampirella has the perfect solution for THAT little problem. . .MACHINE GUN!
There's ALWAYS time to sexy pose during desperate boss fights.
Who said these comics were just about ?
There's butts too!
Dracula shows back up to inform Vampirella and Eva that there wasn't even a ceremony going on. The three of them have an exposition huddle and their best guess is that the whole thing was just a trap to take the three of them out by the coven. Dracula makes his exit because Dracula has better things to do, Vampirella and Eva decide to continue the hunt.
And then the story inexplicably takes a turn for the sentimental as we see that the random father and daughter that Vampirella gave her motorcycle to back at the beginning of things have sold the motorcycle and have use the money to move to the United States, and we close out on the two of them holding hands as their ship passes the Statue of Liberty. Yay America?
Wow. . .where do I even start?
This is. . .bad. Okay. There it is. It's bad.
From start to finish. It's so bad.
I came into this comic with an open mind and willing to give it a chance beyond the HR red flag of a cover. And what did I discover? I discovered that my instincts about Vampirella were right.
This story is extremely weak and seems to exist only for the purpose of providing pictures of scantily-clad women. And even THAT fell flat from time to time as there were occasional panels of art that looked unfinished and sloppy. A couple of examples (2 out of about 6):
The artist left the faces off here, but at least the got done.
Generally speaking, the art is really the only thing this comic has going for it. The editor allowing obviously bad panels like the ones above to get into a finished product shows me a definite lack of effort.
That obvious lack of effort is a bit of an insult. . .not only to someone like me who isn't a Vampirella fan, but to the Vampirella fan who paid a solid five bucks for this piece of . It's pretty plain to see that Dynamite assumed that Vampirella's would have a built-in fanbase and just dumped this out.
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