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Longbox Junk Green Hornet Part 5: Issues 25 31

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May 2018
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And over the cliff we GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!



I'm not sure exactly WHY they needed 5 color artists on this issue, but the art roller coaster this arc is on hits the top of the curve with the best looking issue yet. 

Lt. Chritton (the chubby, fedora-wearing Harvey Bullock version in this issue) traps Mulan, but decides to help her, and pays for his good deed with a bullet to the face from a crooked cop. At least he'll be spared the future indignity of never looking the same from one issue to the next. . .

Elsewhere, Green Hornet and Fake Green Hornet engage in a no-holds barred brawl at the scene of a rooftop wedding massacre while the police close in with orders to shoot them both.

All in all, not a bad issue. Mostly fighting and chasing, but Chritton's death took me by surprise and the art really delivers this time. Not GREAT, but not bad at all this time out.


I'm surprised. . .they kept the same artist on this arc for 2 issues in a row! AND it's the good one! Maybe this won't be so bad after all. . .

Well, it turns out the bullet to the face Harvey Bullock. . .er. . .Lt. Chritton took last issue didn't kill him, but he's in a coma that lets Kent Palmer whip up some public anti-Hornet sentiment. . .which leads to an all-out manhunt for Green Hornet by just about everyone in the city with a gun.

Hornet and Kato are in bad shape by the time they have a final showdown with Jensen (Fake Green Hornet) in an abandoned department store. But just when it looks like the end. . .Moonbeam (the most unfortunately-named hero I can think of) shows back up in the story out of nowhere to shoot Jensen in the back.

All in all, a pretty good issue. Even though it's once again mostly running and fighting, the art delivers the goods and makes up for the so-so story. Still. . .I'm glad this arc is almost over.


And so we come to the finale of the 6 part "Outcast" arc. I have to say that it ended better than it began.

Hornet, Kato and Moonbeam team up to take down Mister Jensen. Lt. Chritton remains in a coma. The Hornet confronts Palmer and lets him know that one of his crooked cops is turning witness, so his game is up. The Hornet reveals his identity to a reporter that was a friend of his father's and decides to give up pretending Green Hornet is a villain and let Central City know that it has a hero instead. Lastly, Moonbeam joins "Team Hornet". 

All in all, this arc came to a nice conclusion (except for the teen sidekick thing) after starting out as a derivative mess with extremely uneven art. I'm not saying it was GREAT. It ended JUST this side of "Pretty good" and that was mostly thanks to finally getting the art under control.


Sweet baby JESUS! WHY?

I don't even know where to start. The last arc ended on a pretty good note, but this issue gets a creative team switchup and with it, this series goes off the rails and straight over the cliff.

The art. . .my GOD, the art is so bad. It all seems sketchy and unfinished. And when I say unfinished, I mean that on page 5 there's a guy with artist guidelines across his face! Not only that, but Mulan is now rendered with a rack of boobs that Dolly Parton fans can truly appreciate. No longer is she a lithe ninja. . .now one wonders how she keeps balance being so top heavy. And vehicles look like something a teenage boy would draw on his school folder while dreaming of the day he can finally get his learner's permit.

It's bad. Real bad.

And don't think the art is the only reason for the one star review (the first in this series!). The story here is god-awful as well. I don't even want to talk about the story. Okay. . .I'll talk about the F'ING story.

Kato Sr. goes to Iowa where he has a son he never knew about. . .a fat slob named Seymour. Kato takes down a redneck meth ring and decides to accept Seymour into the Kato clan with a samurai sword "knighting" ceremony with Green Hornet, Mulan, and Hornet's new Robin (Moonbeam) in attendance.

The whole thing is poorly written, poorly drawn, and just so far outside of what has come before in this series that I can't help but wonder if it was all an intentional joke.

No bueno!


After the pile of steaming crap that was last issue, this one elevates itself to the exalted ranks of a stinking two star review.

The art is still bad to the point of distraction. Faces are rough, vehicles are a joke, and each one of Mulan's boobs are as big as her head. All that and Green Hornet's hat is way too small for his head. Please, God. . .let this guy just be a fill in and not the new regular artist.

So while the art is still in the "weird slime at the bottom of a dumpster" territory, the writing has marginally improved.

Basically, it follows three threads. I DID like the way it was presented, with each thread running across the page in small panels from front to back of the book, so you can read each one from start to finish if you wanted before moving down to the next one . .so a nod to that small bit of originality.

In story one. . .Green Hornet and Kato finally get down to bedroom business after getting turned on while reconning a gang.

In story 2, Moonbeam (Now a "Ward" of Britt Reid, for God's sake!) and Nikita Gravilov (son of arms dealer Sergi Gravilov) go through their first day at a swank private school, becoming friends. I'm sure that's gonna end well.

In story 3, Century City's new Mayor gets assassinated on his first day after a night out on the town and his assistant gets sworn in. They might as well issue a red shirt to Century City Mayors at the swearing in.

God-awful art, so-so story. No Bueno.


Please, God. . .let this arc end. 

I pondered a couple issues ago if this was an intentional joke. The further I go down this rabbit hole, the more I think it might just be.

The art is still so distractingly bad that I don't think that "bad" describes it accurately. It's more like. . ."What the hell? Was this guy the editor's out of work brother in law?" 

The story? Okay. . .the story is okay, but not much more than that. Arms dealer, blah blah. Lethal weapons in the hands of street gangs, blah blah. New mayor is an old friend of Britt Reid, Blah blah. Police now cooperating with Green Hornet, Blah blah.

What's REALLY important in the story here is that Moonbeam changes his name to Scowl and gears up in full superhero sidekick kit in such an obvious rip-off of Robin THAT HE EVEN WEARS A FRIGGIN' YELLOW CAPE!

Yeah. Robin is now in Green Hornet.

No Bueno.


This issue maintains the low quality of the rest of this terrible arc, with some of the worst art I've ever seen on a regular comic series and writing that strives to reach the lofty goal of "Okay".

Most of this issue is told from the viewpoint of Robin. . .er. . .Moonbeam. . .er. . .Scowl, as he makes romantic moves on a classmate and provides lengthy chunks of caption box though exposition.

Wait. Let's discuss this classmate a moment. London Thompson is a high school freshman. Freshman is what? 14 or 15 years old? She is drawn with a giant rack of boobs, a short skirt, and hooker stockings. THERE is where the art is. 


Arms dealer makes his move, blah blah. Thugs track down Green Hornet's hideout, blah blah. Big attack on the Hornet's nest, blah blah. Robin realizes his new best friend's dad is the arms dealer, blah blah.

Did I mention the artist draws a 14 year old girl with giant tits and hooker stockings? 

No bueno.


This batch of Green Hornet was pretty much just plain bad.  Dynamite probably should have stopped when they were somewhat ahead.  The 'Arms Race" arc is some of the worst comics I have ever read. . .with blatant Robin ripoff sidekick, sketchy, unfinished art, and oversexualized female characters. . .including underage girls.  This series has become an awkward shadow of what it started out as.  Where it was once a great tribute and modern update to a classic character, now it's just embarrassing.

Coming next. . .

More Green Hornet, God help me.

Be there or be square!

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