feature requests

Longbox Junk: X Files/30 Days of Night

I write comic book reviews that NOBODY has ever asked for!
February 2018
SuMoTuWeThFrSa
 123
45678910
11121314151617
18192021222324
25262728 
Archives
Tags
batman (13)
punisher (7)
captain america (6)
green hornet (6)
jonah hex (6)
Kato (6)
Retro Reviews (6)
Someone Punch That Giant Robot!! (6)
Where did all these robots come from? (6)
x-files (6)
aliens (5)
BOOBS! (5)
One shots (5)
wolverine (5)
azrael (4)
Grant Morrison is insane (4)
hellboy (4)
star wars (4)
Two Shots (4)
Zorro (4)
batman and robin (3)
Damian Wayne (3)
deathblow (3)
dick grayson (3)
Excuses! (3)
Hex (3)
iron man (3)
joker (3)
Lone Ranger (3)
Minimum Effort! (3)
predator (3)
red sonja (3)
Tonto (3)
Bat Lash (2)
Battle for the cowl (2)
conan (2)
Count Dracula (2)
dark horse (2)
El Diablo (2)
Flashpoint (2)
gen 13 (2)
Ghost Rider 2099 (2)
planet of the apes (2)
ragman (2)
robin (2)
superman (2)
Tallulah Black (2)
Topps (2)
winter soldier (2)
x-men (2)
30 days of night (1)
Adventures in the Rifle Brigade (1)
alex ross (1)
Amalgam (1)
AMERICA HELL YEAH!! (1)
An android saves the day AGAIN (1)
Are nuns supposed to show that much cleavage? (1)
Aren't there any pictures of Walter Koenig to reference? (1)
Astonishing Tales (1)
avengers (1)
Batman Inc. (1)
Bionic Man (1)
black widow (1)
blackhawks (1)
boba fett (1)
Brave and Bold (1)
Bruce Wayne Returns (1)
Bucky Barnes saves the universe (1)
Calculator (1)
Cannibalistic Aztec Mummy Brain Eatin' Mad Scientist OH MY! (1)
Captain Phasma (1)
Combat Kelly (1)
Cowboy Western (1)
daredevil (1)
dark reign (1)
Dark Wolverine (1)
Desert Storm (1)
Doc Savage (1)
Doctor Spektor (1)
dracula (1)
Edgar Allan Poe (1)
Exploding radioactive zombies! OH MY! (1)
fantastic four (1)
final crisis (1)
First Wave (1)
Flashpoint Batman (1)
Franken- Castle (1)
friday the 13th (1)
g.i. joe (1)
gambit (1)
green arrow (1)
grimm fairy tales (1)
Haunted Tank (1)
hawkman (1)
Heavenly Avenger Punisher (1)
Hitler's missing testicle (1)
Holy Giant Typewriter Batman! (1)
huntress (1)
I just want to be pretty (1)
idw (1)
invaders (1)
Iron Man 2020 (1)
Joker with a hobo beard (1)
Kevin Eastman Flips Off The World! (1)
kevin smith (1)
Kung Fu Star Wars (1)
Lady Zorro (1)
legion of monsters (1)
lobo (1)
Magnus Robot Fighter (1)
Manga Punisher (1)
Marvel MAX (1)
Marvel Noir (1)
mass effect (1)
Mass Effect Andromeda (1)
Matt Wagner has some 'splaining to do! (1)
Mojoworld (1)
Nazi flying saucers (1)
Nazi Zombies (1)
Nazis (1)
nightwing (1)
Nomad (1)
Nuns With Guns (1)
Operation Bollock (1)
oracle (1)
oriental shaved gorilla pirates (1)
Our Army at War (1)
Princess Leia (1)
Princess Leia wearing a trucker cap (1)
Project Superman (1)
ra's al ghul (1)
red hood (1)
Richard Corben (1)
Ruse (1)
Russian Speaking Gorillas with machine guns (1)
Sam Wilson (1)
Shanna The She Devil (1)
Silver (1)
simon bisley (1)
Solomon Kane (1)
Someone punch that giant space God! (1)
Space: Above and Beyond (1)
Spider- Man (1)
spider-man (1)
spirit (1)
Squid rape is still rape (1)
star trek (1)
Star Trek: The Next Generation (1)
superboy (1)
Superman Huffs Joker Gas (1)
swamp thing (1)
Team 7 (1)
teenage mutant ninja turtles (1)
terminator (1)
the a-team (1)
The Assassin (1)
The Avenger (1)
The Burning Earth (1)
the crow (1)
the flash (1)
the goon (1)
The Huntress (1)
The Rocketeer (1)
the thing (1)
Tomb of Dracula (1)
transformers (1)
Unplugging computers destroys them right? (1)
venom (1)
vertigo (1)
Vlad The Impaler (1)
Wait! Why is Robin in Green Hornet? (1)
Wait! Why is there a TANK in this western? (1)
Warrior Nun Areala (1)
Weird War Tales (1)
What If? (1)
What were they smoking? (1)
Where did these ninjas come from? (1)
Who's that guy pretending to be Azrael? (1)
Why is Luke Skywalker's skin green? (1)
Why is the friggin' sky YELLOW? (1)
Wild West Batman (1)
Winter World (1)
wonder woman (1)
X (1)
Zombies (1)

Short version.  This one was bad.

ISSUE 1

I love the X-Files. I have the whole Topps run, as well as the entire T.V. series (good and bad) on DVD. I love 30 Days of Night. I have the original series signed by Steve Niles, as well as the movie (which I consider one of the few successful non-superhero comic movies). It would SEEM that the two properties would be a sweet fit for each other.

But. . .

This first issue makes me wonder if X-Files and 30 Days of Night sounds better as an idea than as an actual thing.

FBI Agents Scully and Mulder find themselves in Alaska investigating 16 beheaded bodies drained of blood and hung 40 feet in the air on a pole. Also on the case, believing it to be a serial killer he's been tracking is an old rival of Mulder's, Agent Daniel "Frenchy" French.

Niles is usually a good writer, but the dialogue seems stilted and unnatural. The art isn't doing the story any favors either. The covers are OUTSTANDING for the entire series (Especially the Sam Kieth variant for the first issue), but the interior art is pretty bad. Scully looks nothing like her T.V. counterpart and Mulder bears only the slightest resemblance. It's a fairly big fail if you're going to do a licensed property and can't get the likenesses at least halfway there.

In my opinion, this first issue is a dud. Good concept. Bad writing. Bad art. 
5 more issues to go. God, I hope it gets better. . .

ISSUE 2

As per the T.V. status quo, Mulder's suspicions immediately leap to "Vampire", while Scully insists that there must be a reasonable explanation. While they investigate the crime scene again, Scully comes across a child buried in the snow. When she digs her out, the kid bursts into flames in Scully's arms when exposed to sunlight. One would THINK that Scully would begin to formulate. . .alternative. . .explanations at that point. But no.

They also come across a band of Inuit natives performing a ceremony about fighting creatures in the dark and living to see the day. . .and when they interrupt, the natives demand to see their teeth to avoid getting shot. Again. . .one would THINK. . .

All that and somehow the art is worse than it was in the first issue. 

All in all, beyond the outstanding covers, this mini so far is the definition of Longbox Junk.

ISSUE 3

Agents Scully and Mulder investigate an iced-in ship and find more bodies. Elsewhere, State police get into a gun battle with a bunch of feral vampires. After a run in with Agent French, Mulder and Scully catch a helicopter ride back to town. They get attacked by a fanged, red-eyed vampire crashing through the windshield. Mulder discovers they don't give a rip about crosses, so he puts a bullet in its head, but the helicopter crashes, leaving them stranded in the middle of nowhere. Perhaps NOW Scully will consider vampires as a suspect?

I'm really having to force myself to finish this mini. Besides the great covers, the only good thing I can say about it is that it's a quick read. I can't figure out why I kept it on my pull list past the second issue when it came out new. . .what was I thinking?

ISSUE 4

Please, God. . .let it end.

Scully and Mulder are rescued by Russians tracking the same killers. Scully STILL insists they are human, even after personally witnessing one burst into flames in her arms, and another crashing through a helicopter window and killing their pilots. There's such a thing as staying in character. . .but there's also such a thing as common sense.

Also. . .they are taken to a cave where a vampire without arms or legs tells them a tale of when he was alive over 100 years before and was searching for an artifact of eternal life. And Scully still doesn't believe in vampires. . .

The artifact is found by the band of vampires. Inside it is some sort of blood drinking baby. 

This is just bad. Started bad and looks like it's getting worse. Even the art seems like it's worse. I don't even know how that's possible. I'm sure Scully could come up with a rational explanation. Mine is that everyone on this project was just making a paycheck, and there were very few F$%KS given.

ISSUE 5

Thank God there's only 1 issue left. This crapfest started off barely on the rails and at this point it doesn't even remember where the rails are.

Never mind the synopsis. Just be warned. This mini is the definition of cash-in crap. The only reason I'm even finishing it is because I've come this far.

ISSUE 6

It's over. Finally, it's over.

Why does this series even exist? I mean, I know why it exists. The idea sounds good on paper. Unfortunately the execution of that idea doesn't even come anywhere close to the promise. No. . .the question of this series' existence is that of why the publisher allowed it to exist in the form it is in. X-Files/30 Days of Night has so few redeeming qualities that I can't help but wonder if this was literally the worst kind of blatant cash grab that can exist in comics. Just thinking about this series makes me sick, and not in a good way. It makes me realize now. . .6 years down the road. . .that I was ripped off in a big way when I bought this whole series. Did I even realize it at the time? I can't even remember buying these comics. 

Final opinion? X-Files/30 Days of Night will now be the lower bar for which all other comics I review will be judged by until I find something worse. And believe me. . .I can't really see that happening. This series is truly the definition of Longbox Junk.

And there is is. . .X-Files/30 Days of Night.  What has been seen cannot be unseen, but I'm going to lock these back away into their cardboard and plastic prison and try to forget they exist.

Coming up next. . .Let's get into some pretty recent Longbox Junk.  
Star Wars, Princess Leia!  Be there or be square!


  • Be the first to leave a comment






World Community Grid Logo
ComicBookRealm.com: 44 years, 43 days, 19 hours of Run Time

Help projects like: Smash Childhood Cancer, OpenZika, Help Stop TB, FightAIDS@Home - Phase 2, Outsmart Ebola Together, Mapping Cancer Markers, FightAIDS@Home

Join World Community Grid today!

CBR App on Android
CBR App on Android
Newest Covers
  • Marvel Comics's Astonishing X-Men TPB # 1
  • Gilberton Publications's Classics Illustrated #67: The Scottish Chiefs Issue # 3
  • Marvel Comics's Doctor Strange: Damnation Issue # 1f
  • IDW Publishing's Star Trek: Boldly Go Issue # 11ri-b
Cool Statues
Recently Rated
DC Comics's Superman Issue # 75d
This comic was rated 5.0000 stars by 3 members
Superman
Issue # 75d




Website Security Test